I cant wait to wear gold by Madalyn Stanley

I couldn’t wait to wear gold. I had bought this three layered, gold snake chain necklace from TJ-Maxx, with the encouragement of my mom. I have always been a silver girl since I was little, with the main reason being silver was always cheaper. My family summers in Cape Cod, and when I was too young to remember, I bought a sterling silver Tree of Life necklace from our favorite jewelry store, The Silver Seahorse, that I didn’t take off for years. The necklace has since been lost to memory, but that was the beginning of my silver journey. When I was finally old enough to appreciate it, I bought a silver Cape Cod bracelet, and trademarked my metal forever. 

Well, that’s what I thought. Yet, here I was, in the check out line of TJ-Maxx, holding a box with a gold snake chain necklace. I had multiple people over the course of my life tell me I should wear gold, as it compliments my skin more. I’m Arabic, so I have olive skin that does mesh well with gold, but I still felt as though silver made my eyes pop, and made me look more tan. At least, that’s what my boyfriend told me. My eyes were the moon. Gold was the sun. Two things that didn’t go together. 

Our second Christmas together, he bought me a silver promise ring from Pandora. It had three big, cubic zirconia diamonds in the middle, with little diamonds running down the band on either side. It was something I would have never picked out for myself, yet I adored it. It could have been made out of cardboard, and I would have never taken it off, because he bought it for me. Not even the fact he purchased something for me, just the fact he loved me enough to make it tangible. To be loved is to be known, and he knows I like silver, was the thought in my mind. I twirled it around my finger whenever I was anxious and needed to feel his love, especially when I learned he was giving his love to someone else. I twirled it a lot then. 

Our third Christmas together, I had picked out a new promise ring, after he had broken the promise of the first one. It was a V-cut ring from Pandora with a Marquise cubic zirconia diamond in the middle, and diamonds on either side of the band. It was more quirky and unique for me, which I thought reflected my personality much better than the one he had chosen. Even though he didn’t pick this one out, he still followed me to the silver section of Pandora. To be loved is to be known, and he knows I like silver, I repeated to myself. I slid that one off and on my finger when I was anxious and needed to feel his love, especially when I learned he was giving his love to someone else again. I slid it off and on a lot then. 

Standing in TJ-Maxx, holding the box with the necklace, I was the most anxious I’d ever been. My stomach fluttered, wondering what he would say when he saw I was wearing gold. It had been only a month since he abandoned me at college and promised to talk at home when it became summer. It was summer. I was awaiting his text. I was waiting for him to text me and tell me to meet him at our favorite restaurant, where he’d kiss my hand and I’d forget the emptiness within me that he was supposed to fill. He’d stare at me with blankness in his eyes, and I’d mirror that with a look of pure adoration, knowing I wouldn’t hesitate to choose him in every lifetime, yet he couldn’t even choose me in this one. I couldn’t wait for him to text me, maybe he would tomorrow. But tomorrow never came. 

He never texted me, I never met him at our favorite restaurant, and he never got to see my gold snake chain necklace. That was my form of revenge, him having to see my gold snake chain necklace. God he’d be so confused! Why is she wearing gold? He’d think. To be loved is to be known, and I know she likes silver. That’ll show him. After everything he’d done to me, how I’d been embarrassed, lied to, cheated on, manipulated. And all I can think of to get him back was to wear a gold necklace. Standing in the TJ-Maxx line, I had an epiphany. I had formed this big elaborate scheme for my revenge, and he wouldn’t even notice. He wouldn’t notice if I wore gold, silver, or if I had an actual snake around my neck. He only knew I wore silver because I told him. To be loved is to be known, and he didn’t know me. He didn’t even love me. 

So I left TJ-Maxx, with 14 dollars less in my bank account and a new gold snake chain necklace. I wouldn’t wait for tomorrow anymore. I wouldn’t wait for him anymore. To be loved is to be known, and I know I like gold. My eyes are the moon. Gold is the sun. I can’t wait to wear gold.