Television Screen By Scout Noel

i see a television screen glow in the dark of a room

and i reminded of the way the sound of yours would haunt me no matter where i went

my room wasn’t any solace

and the bathroom shared a wall with yours

the one the tv rested on.

i could never escape you

or your lingering sound.

it chokes the life out of me, sometimes

like water filling my lungs

or a snake making its way around my ribs

just the way i imagine your hand would wrap around my throat

if i got you angry enough

i always thought i got you angry enough

i wonder if there’s anything i ever did that didn’t make you want to kill me

i speak metaphorically, your threats were empty and your violence was none

but you took a piece of me everytime you screamed my name

i know a part of you wanted a part of me to die.

i wonder if i will ever forget that. i’m not sure i will.

i wonder if throwing up my guts will cleanse me of all the ways you’ve poisoned me

if rearranging my insides will get rid of whatever parts of you that are still parts of me.