The Final Act by Tamantha Cineas

Losing love has softened my heart.

I feel everything so intensely now, yet I can't help but feel grateful for it. How fortunate am I to have so much within me? If given the chance, I would still choose to share those pieces of myself with you. I no longer regret the choices I've made. Like the Bible says, do everything in love—and I have to believe that, in order to stop hating myself for wanting the things I know I’ll never keep. This may all mean nothing to you now, but I still see you everywhere.

In the vibrant trees and the orange skies, I often find myself praying for those long walks again. I think of your soft brown eyes and can’t help but wonder: do you ever see me in things, too? I still keep a bit of grace buried away for you, but I can’t ever seem to offer it to myself. I wonder if you’d think I’m weak—if you’d believe I’d let you hurt me a thousand more times, and still, I’d pour my heart out for you. I must confess, I would. I haven't forgotten yet. You’re on every page I write and behind every tear that I shed. The love inside of me hasn't died. It’s still there—in long walks by the water, ice cream, and in silly cars I’ll never understand. In my mind and in my heart, you are still a crucial part of me, and she is still kicking, breathing, and holding onto the hope that one day she will find a way to love again.

Wholeheartedly, freely, and without the fear that we will forever be haunted by this.

Although I try to keep the memories locked away, I wear your hoodie to remind me that it was once something real—something special. And when I remember the day you first looked at me, I get that feeling all over again. The feeling that this is the love I spent my whole life chasing. I hate to admit it, but if given the chance, I would still follow you anywhere.

Losing you has softened my heart.

It has changed something in me, and I’ve never been strong enough to move forward; I've already turned into a pillar of salt. That part of me has decided to remain stuck in this place for a while longer—not forever, but just until I’m completely happy with myself again.

How lucky are you to have someone who cares about you deeply?

I know you never truly earned it, but I still hang onto the memory of your soft hands.

I remember their warmth, and the gentleness that lingers in my mind long after they left.

The laughter in the car as you drove, the music softly playing in the background—I

remember never wanting that night to end. I don’t blame you for any of it. If asked to, I would still share those pieces of myself. And though you may have forgotten me, I still have no regrets.

I confess, the thought of not having you in my life aches deeply.

I know we’ll never speak again.

You’ll move on as if nothing ever happened.

But I’ll continue to see you in the vibrant trees and the orange skies.